Estrogen and epigenetics

Started Estrogen patches last night for my "mock cycle". This is to see how the lining of my uterus responds to estrogen in preparation for the REAL DEAL. Still having worries after reading all the books on DE: Will I love my baby as much as I do my genetic children? How many siblings will this baby have out there? What if the baby marries or dates a sibling without knowing it? Will the baby love me as much he/she would their genetic mom? What about the young naive donor- how will she feel when her mind and heart matures more? Will she want to find her genetic children? What if my donor someday struggles with infertility and here I have used up all her young eggs?? How will I feel about my husband having "test tube sex" with a younger woman? How am I going to deal with those idiots and their insensitive comments and questions?... Oh the worries that enter my head..

However, I just read a very interesting and re-assuring article on epigenetics. This article states that biology determines which genes will be expressed. Meaning my biology- the environment that gives the baby flesh, blood, and life- will determine which genes inherited from the donor will be expressed. This challenges once again the nature vs. nurture theories. Knowing that I will be the BIOLOGICAL mother of this child does make me feel better. Some of the books mention the DE moms feelings of a little alien growing in their stomach (due to lack of genetic relation). Or the feeling that they are a "fake mom" just acting as a incubator- these thoughts stirred up feelings of uncertainty and ambivalence. But after reading the articles on epigenetics- I found myself feeling thrilled and excited again.

Back to the mock estrogen cycle...I go for blood draws, and ultrasounds as well as a saline infused sonogram through out this cycle.. As much as I hate going to the doctor and require xanax with the very thought- I must really really want a baby!!! I want a baby so bad, I can already smell the scent of a newborns head and the feel of an infant asleep in my arms.........feeding life makes me wanna garden. CIAO!