Flat impaired PaRT dEU

Ok, so it seems I need to specify exactly what "flat impaired" is.
If I were referring to my ta ta's it would be growth impaired or cleavage impaired or something like that.

I was actually referring to my fixing my first flat on BIG RED my 30+ lb road bike. Luckily I noticed it before I got on the road heading home. Now, I coulda pussied out and called my Monkey Mechanic spouse who looks hotter n hell in spandex and even hotter with a wrench in his hand and lube (I mean grease) all over him! But no, I was determined to do this myself. So 30 minutes later, I had fixed my first flat. Covered with chain grease and smeared all over my face (didn't realize it till I made it home). I was sweating after I was done- And because there were still some people at work, I had to pretend I knew exactly what I was doing. I faked it well!!!
But I was quite lucky because I could have experienced my first flat on the side of road of Navy Yard Highway covered with glass, single shoes, rocks, those funny screws with bolts still attached (these are all over the friggin place!!! Imagine they come off cars- maybe same place the solo shoes come from) And I could have been trying to dodge fired up motorists in trashy cars who are jonesing for that cold Schmidt at home in their fridge. Or those older men who have some sort of Vietnam vendetta against cyclists and absolutely refuse to share the road and therefore, swerve as if to hit you and get their rocks off when you jump. OR those copenhagen chewing ball scratching beer drinking high school drop outs in a big loud truck who wanna fuck with you just because you are a woman (who they all think are tramps). Or the dumass teenage girl on a cell phone reaching for her starbucks coffee.
.....Whoa..got off the subject there on a rampage.
Anyway, fixed my first flat............YEE HAW!!!