Nursetink's Qwest To Find Neverland

Fruitful journey

2011-02-15T17:50:00.000-08:00

Wow- long time since I updated this blog. Best news is::: We are now 25 weeks pregnant with a baby girl- Lacey Evelyn. I love her so much already that I can just burst!!! My little Laceybug is already so loved...so very very loved.

Luckily for us our donor egg journey was successful the first time- no frozen eggs left over for us- this was it- we are so excited to meet our baby girl in about 12 weeks or so.

Thanking God everyday for this miracle!!

How many eggies??

2010-06-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Met with Dr. Dudley last week and signed consent forms, discussed what to do with frozen embryos and how many eggies to implant. This is a tough one----we have however, decided to definitely do two with a 3 day transfer. But the difficult part is the 5 day transfer- apparently a higher success rate of implantation and higher quality embryo (blastocyst at this phase).. So..they really recommend transferring one to avoid multiples (not excited about carrying multiples) but if I transfer just one- what if one doesn't make it. 1-1=0 (I learned this in grade school) But if we decide to transfer two and one doesn't make it 2-1=1 (see how smart I am)... But conversely- since we are using "young" eggs and our donor already has proven fertility (2 children herself)- 2-0=2 (not exactly a good idea considering my history of hypertension in pregnancy- NICU time and sick babies doesn't make me happy either) OH- and here's another arithmetic factor to also consider- the rare but occurring splitting of one egg (identical twins) 2+1= 3 (definitely a NO NO)...
Big sigh---what to do....what to do....

Egg Donor child

2010-05-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

This is an amazing view from a lovely young lady. I hope with all my heart that if my DE experience is "fruitful" my DE baby will have the same wonderful and positive outlook!

Roadblocks and stop signs

2010-05-28T21:21:00.000-07:00

Once again- we have a hit a donor egg road block. This whole process can be amazingly frustrating and agonizing. As if being infertile isn't debilitating enough... Our donor has a cyst- who knows how long this could prolong our process--buts that's ok- because we cannot get our funding secured until July 26.. And the Attain program (the fertility funding group) will not pay for your cycling until you pay them the amount upfront....Big sigh....waiting....waiting....waiting..

Our Donor and the Chronicles of the Failed Ovaries

2010-05-23T10:55:00.000-07:00

We finally found our donor. The genetic mother of our to-be baby...Same height and weight (- 20 pounds) (Well.... I used to be that skinny...geesh). Same blood type. Her picture kinda looks like little orphan Annie (they only show us the pics from childhood)... The only kinda creepy part is one of her pics looks like a female version of Mike when he was a kid.. "They" say we are all very closely related genetically. Ok- that was kind of sick but anyway- Our donor goes in for further f/u testing this week. I really like that they( Seattle Reproductive Medicine) do a follow up drug and nicotine testing prior to starting a cycle. Oh and she is a proven donor- this has become increasingly important to me lately. BUT, there is a fee of $3000 to hold your donor. And of course, this isn't covered with the $38,000 Attain package (the flat fee get 3 fresh IVF and 3 Frozen embryo transfer package). NOOOOOOO- this is extra. So now we have to come up with another 3,000. Good lord this is one expensive child- and it hasn't even been conceived yet.

The next step involves talking to the genetic counselor to determine if we want any more testing for Mike or for the donor (additional fee of course)...yah right. Then birth control pills and then we start coordinating cycles and then the fun begins..Looking forward to the injections with big needles and viscous painful fluids. Good times ahead....good times.

Keep following for more adventures of the failed ovaries..

Mock cycle complete!

2010-05-16T11:01:00.001-07:00

Mock estrogen cycle completed!! Uterine lining responded well to Estrogen therapy. Blood levels remained within normal limits. Hysterosonogram was perfect- no polyps or fibroids. Had a sounding too- which is a mock transfer to find the right spot for the little eggie. Still looking for the perfect donor with Seattle Reproductive Medicine. Can't believe how quickly the donors are snatched up! I guess the donor egg program is a lot more popular than i have ever imagined. Amazing the modern medical miracles that take place daily! I recently learned through a friend going through this that is is best to choose a proven donor. Proven donors have already shown they are responsible and able to take their medications and must have proven results or they would be declined further cycles.

Next step is birth control pills (brings me back to my teenage days. What ever happened to the days of getting pregnant in the back seat of a car) Then cycle coordination with our donor.

Hoping for a transfer date of July...ish...

But for now- the sun is calling my name and my poor road bike is whining like an unloved dog..

Mothers Day

2010-05-09T18:55:00.001-07:00

Happy Mothers Day to all you wonderful mom's out there. Another beautiful day at Valley Nursery spending a small fortune on flowers and plants. Thank you to all my kids for helping plant and do yard work. Something so fulfilling about putting your hands in mother earth on Mother's Day.

Had a saline infused sonogram and my blood drawn Fri. The doctor proclaims my uterus is beautiful and the transfer will go swimmingly!! If only my ovaries were so beautiful! Should finish up this mock estrogen cycle Fri 14th after another blood draw and another ultrasound to check the uterine lining. So far I haven't gone crazy on this estrogen patch- I will check back on this after this week of increasing my estrogen dosage 4 fold!

Last night, Aaron, Mike and I saw Coheed and Cambria at the SoHo Showbox in Seattle. They were great!! My back and feet are still recovering from all the standing.

BREAKING NEWS---my dryer just died.....Stay tuned.

Estrogen and epigenetics

2010-05-02T13:55:00.001-07:00

Started Estrogen patches last night for my "mock cycle". This is to see how the lining of my uterus responds to estrogen in preparation for the REAL DEAL. Still having worries after reading all the books on DE: Will I love my baby as much as I do my genetic children? How many siblings will this baby have out there? What if the baby marries or dates a sibling without knowing it? Will the baby love me as much he/she would their genetic mom? What about the young naive donor- how will she feel when her mind and heart matures more? Will she want to find her genetic children? What if my donor someday struggles with infertility and here I have used up all her young eggs?? How will I feel about my husband having "test tube sex" with a younger woman? How am I going to deal with those idiots and their insensitive comments and questions?... Oh the worries that enter my head..

However, I just read a very interesting and re-assuring article on epigenetics. This article states that biology determines which genes will be expressed. Meaning my biology- the environment that gives the baby flesh, blood, and life- will determine which genes inherited from the donor will be expressed. This challenges once again the nature vs. nurture theories. Knowing that I will be the BIOLOGICAL mother of this child does make me feel better. Some of the books mention the DE moms feelings of a little alien growing in their stomach (due to lack of genetic relation). Or the feeling that they are a "fake mom" just acting as a incubator- these thoughts stirred up feelings of uncertainty and ambivalence. But after reading the articles on epigenetics- I found myself feeling thrilled and excited again.

Back to the mock estrogen cycle...I go for blood draws, and ultrasounds as well as a saline infused sonogram through out this cycle.. As much as I hate going to the doctor and require xanax with the very thought- I must really really want a baby!!! I want a baby so bad, I can already smell the scent of a newborns head and the feel of an infant asleep in my arms.........feeding life makes me wanna garden. CIAO!

Donor eggs

2010-05-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

Well here I am after 2 1/2 years of trying for a baby...still...not...pregnant...

Now moving on to donor egg IVF due to my geriatric ovaries. Follow along for the ride......

Wounds

2009-09-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

Totally loving my new job in wound/ostomy care. Have I seen some doozies in the last couple of weeks!!! Holy crap!! The sicker the better....thats all

Believe or not...I'm not a small child anymore!!!

2009-03-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

Feeling a bit down today. Things just are not going quite the way I would like for them to go. You know when another adult continually talks to you like you are a child; scolds and reprimands you like one- forgetting you are a capable adult, so set on being "the hammer"," must discipline, must discipline, must exert force and authority", "I'm the boss, I'm the boss".

I don't know if this excessive "control" manifests itself because one feels lack of control or excessive stress. Anyway- I suppose I don't respond in the appropriate manner either. I become rather resentful and this builds up further and further into resentful frustration and apparent constant irritation and unnecessary jabs. But pointing it out creates an obtuse debate that I just will not win.. Conversations must be very very precise...tauntingly precise..once again as if I am a small child being told how to converse. Almost like a little game...the kind you play with children to intentionally frustrate them and make them think.

Quandary.....and some tears.....

Geriatric Ovaries

2009-02-17T08:47:00.000-08:00

I am so not good at keeping up on this thing...So here's life in a nutshell for the last several months.

1.) I finally graduated with my BSN from PLU in December- Magna Cum Laude even with a 3.89- Suma was 3.9 (God forbid a PLU nursing student would get SUma)!!! WOOOOT WOOOOT!! Took my NCLEX on FEB 10th- was pretty sure I flunked- never been so wigged out in my life. Found out on the 12th that I passed. Wasn't exactly sure how one could pass the NCLEX when one guessed the entire way through it----But I am officially Julie Wellborn RN BSN and DAMN PROUD OF IT!!!!

2.) Found out on Wed. Feb 11th- that I have geriatric ovaries and only have a 2% chance of conceiving on my own- only hope is IVF and I have ummmm.... 20% chance at best...Oh yeah....I want a baby- I know...I know....but I haven't written in ages- have actually been "trying" for a year now...This is quite new to me considering I used to be Fertile Mertyl.... Sooooo- really cannot afford IVF even if I can get into their "study" for geriatric ovaries. So I became a vegetarian (well mostly). Cut out coffee (well mostly) and alcohol (pretty much) AND I went to acupuncture yesterday- as acupuncture can increase your fertility by 40% or so.....hopefully that applies to geriatric ovaries. Acupuncture was GREAT- she is even going to put together an herbal concoction for me to take--I think I have a stagnant spleen and some excesses and deficiencies???

3.) Aaron is attending the Art Institue of Seattle and doing very well. He LOVES it- and I love that he loves it and is doing well. I love seeing his artwork!! And LOVE that he loves what he is doing enough to put so much effort into this.

4.) Bridget is fabulous!! She is working and going to school- (and dating her boss- good girl!!! Way to get what you want outta life!!!). She is in Belligham and loves it there! I'm so proud of her for doing so well.

5.) Mason and Josie are GREAT!! Wonderful kids that excel in school and are quite brilliant!! Mason is in 5th grade but reading at college level- Went through the four Twilight books in.....about......4 weeks. Josie is a kick ass soccer player!!! Need to get her into Select or whatever they call it..She was actually being scouted during fall soccer season- which is actually not "legal" I heard.

6.) Mike is great- my wonderful supportive sexy spandex clad spouse---well.. except for when he skips, slides, flits, and occasionally makes me wonder if he was gay in a former life...Don't know what I would do without him!!! LOVE YOU BABE!!!

7.) I should start my residency in home health here some day...I love home health..kinda scary sometimes though because you are sooooo autonomous and independent out there in the field. I was having quite a slump there with venipuncture for a bit.. hopefully that's over..I was seriously questioning my competence as a home health nurse- whereas in the hospital or doctors office- you can go get someone else.....hhhmmm- they kinda frown on that in home health if you consider the expense of an extra patient vist. blah blah.....

Anyway- life there in a nutshell...Of course it isn't everything. There's always cars, dogs, cats, house, yard, bills, identity theft, family drama, mom's heart surgery, two new baby nephews, facebook addiction, irritable bowel issues, mountain biking, hiking...you get the picture........LIFE

Whew

2008-07-02T09:51:00.001-07:00

Schools over until Sept. Just finished my philosophy class- awesome instructor- grueling reading, read 4 novels in 4 weeks- The stranger by Camu, Unbearable lightness of Being, The Schopenhauer Cure, and Veronika Decided to Die- just a little light reading about Death- uplifting shit.
Aaron graduated. THANK GOD!!!! Wow- I cried when I found out he is actually graduating. Now he's off sowing his wild 18 yo oats. At least until we return from Montana- then he has to behave like an adult. OUch.
Getting ready for vacation to my favorite place in the whole world----MONTANA. Definitely going to retire to the Wellborn 100 acre compound- even if I have to live in a tree house somewhere. Kids totally excited- even want to leave at 3 am tomorrow morning to get there sooner- right.....So today will be busy packing etc.
Just got the kitten neutered- he has no clue, of course, that he just had surgery- he's friggin nuts!! Confine him for 7-10 days in one room they say- NOT!

Physically and mentally it was a difficult June- mom with her heart problems, Rach with her chronic pain, me- hypochondriac- had a CT scan of the abdomen for RUQ pain- of course I thought I had pancreatic cancer since it was the worst thing I could imagine having- that was a week or so ago- guess I'm not dying or would have heard by now- all of us with anxiety- hope that improves- hope July proves to be a better month.

Off to pack!!

Guilt and forgiveness

2008-02-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

Guilt is painful and forgiveness is hard. But guilt was formed from inability to forgive. And because I found it hard to forgive and the person is no longer around- I have guilt from not forgiving- and of course not knowing that the person would die. I forgive him for the situation with my sister- I just forgave him too late. What I have to realize is that domestic violence is a bad situation- one in which I feel quite strongly about- so one episode tarnished my thoughts- would not let me forgive and gave me ammo for discontent and dislike- now my heart hurts for my inability to forgive him for what happened. I just hope that he can accept my apology- if my sister was able to forgive and my family able to forgive- I should have been able to as well- for that is what my religion class was all about. If only I had learned my lesson sooner.

Sad Day

2008-02-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my sister Rachel's boyfriend was found dead in his bed at home. Age 34. Preliminary autopsy results show heart failure- will wait for toxicology studies for final results.

R.I.P Henry Keller- my sister loved you dearly- you two definitely had some problems but she has a deep hole in her heart right now because you are gone. I hope life is better for you up there- your "my space" page said you wanted to meet your maker- and now you have met him. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=71605282

Rach, I am so sorry that your heart is breaking. You have been dealt a horrible blows this past year- they just keep getting worse and hurting harder. Last night I prayed for the first time in years that God would keep you from further pain- I worry so much about you because I just don't know how much more one person can take. Just know that I will always be here for you. I love you.

Life is so short and so precious and we never know when it may end. Tragedies are supposed to make us stronger but with each one I just feel weaker.

PURE ROMANCE

2008-01-25T17:05:00.000-08:00

Pure Romance offers a superb product line. And not only do we empower women, offer them support, teach them about their bodies, teach them about relationships, add a dimension of independence, and improve relationships...but Pure Romance has a specific SSS line of products- Sexuality, Sensuality, Survival- many women have faced cancer- breast, ovarian etc.- when this happens, women lose touch with their sexuality and sensuality. Women often lose self confidence and feel as if a part of them is now missing- they come to terms with their mortality and often the last thing on their mind is sex and pleasing their partner. Often what they don't realize is that their partner wants to please her, show her that she is still sexy and sensual.

PR offers products that help women who have experienced cancer or any illness for that matter. There are many things that affect a womans sexuality- including medications, surgery, stress, kids, work......the list is endless- woman are very mental creatures and if we don't feel good about ourselves- we don't feel good in the bedroom etc.

I ENCOURAGE YOU TO CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE OR http://www.pureromance.com/ FOR FURTHER INFORMATION.

Oregon Coast

2007-06-30T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hello from Oregon coast- here are some of our pics from our visit here- having a great time! Weather is beautiful!!..today......Had a great time with Kat and Eric and enjoyed seeing Seth again. Saw whales today on the boating tour- Josie was scared shitless! Have a beautiful condo on the beach- 174 steps to get to the beach. Shot off a few illegal fireworks- about caught the house on fire but all is good!!!

New Park- Fun fun

2007-06-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

Took the little ones last week to the new Harborside Park in downtown Bremerton. What a fabulous little park! And I love that they allow the kids to play in the water and the fountain- makes it very memorable for the kids and just look how much fun they are having!!!!

PARTY PARTY

2007-06-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

The following day of Bridget's graduation we had a big grad party. Lots of friends, family, and craziness. Food, drink, lots of laughter (haven't laughed so hard in ages), Good times...good times..

Graduation

2007-06-11T18:34:00.000-07:00

She did it!! My little girl graduated! Exactly 20 years ago - I graduated from the same high school. Time flies. She looked so grown up in her heels and gown. Can hardly believe how fast time has flown by!!! Had lots of family show up and my dad and Claudia suffered with a grueling trip from Friday Harbor (sorry bout the lack of beer at the dome daddyo). My dad, Claudia, and I sat in the nosebleed section- was dizzyingly high up there! Cannot believe how many people packed the dome for graduation. Decked out my car with paint to celebrate my little girl!!!! What a proud mommy I am!!!

My Beautiful Princess!!!!

2007-06-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Here are pictures of my beautiful 18 yo daughter on prom night. I cannot believe she is a senior and graduating from the same high school that I went to just yesterday!! After graduation she plans to attend Whatcom Community College in Bellingham and then transfer to WWU- her Aunt Bee's alma mater (she adores her Aunt Bee).

So I will be gathering together a hope chest filled with supplies for her own apartment....her own apartment...OMIGOD!! My heart hurts..I am serious..when I think of my little girl as a grown up on her own with her own apartment and on her own in this harsh world where things can hurt her it literally hurts my heart, the thought of the dangers she could face gives me great anxiety and fills me with fear. How will I protect her??? In fact just writing this makes me want to cry. I dont know how parents deal with it- how do they let go? I am such a blubbery baby.

But look how gorgeous she is..........

Mountain Biking

2007-05-27T15:33:00.000-07:00

I can't quite explain what it is like (for those of you who don't ride). When mountain biking, you simply cannot think of anything else- you have to think of the next turn- how do I take it..wide..tight?? Crap there is a root- lift up the front, push down on the bars and lift the back wheel over it- shit!!! I wasn't expecting that drop- sit back or endo and die...Listen....Listen to the wildlife- feel the breeze as you whip down the hill- you feel as if you are flying- nothing feels so invigorating. You feel rebellious as you grunt through the big muddy ass puddle and feel the mud fly all over your face like when you made mud pies as a child. DAMN--you bite it-- but the first thing you do is check your bike- then your body--just a little blood- everything still moves- good thing I know some good orthopedic surgeons..... Get up...do it again.......AWWW nothing like mountain biking.....

My accident prone little man

2007-05-25T11:25:00.000-07:00

Another trip to the doctors office to see Dr. VanBuecken (orthopedics) this morning for yet another playground accident.
Diagnosis: Distal clavicle fracture- nondisplaced
Treatment: Sling for 3 weeks.
Prognosis: Excellent
Patient teaching: Quit running on the playground!!! Or at least pick up your feet!!!!!

Took my last final yesterday- survived my first year at PLU with a 3.95 gpa. Just taking a few online classes this summer- art and anthropology at local community college. University of Chester or Olympic Community College- who by the way is striving to charge university prices- HOLY CRAP!!!! Cost about $868 for two online summer classes- not including textbooks- whew.....
OUt to work in the yard--- BBQ tomorrow!!!!

Duh

2007-03-06T16:40:00.000-08:00

Forgot I had a blog- took me an hour to figure out what my password was. Had to catch up on the Monkey rants on his plans to capture bike mileage. (Goals are good honey :) ). I dont really have anything to say- just that I am still alive- haven't gotten kicked outta nursing school yet- give me a few days..like when I get my dosage calculations score back.....
P. S. remind me to write about the therapist at the Mental Hospital where I am doing my clinical rotation who fears we will become too friendly and nice with the mentally ill criminal offenders such as the mentally ill murderers and rapists and give them our address and phone numbers when they get out- invite them for drinks etc. Maybe offer them a small child..Anyway that is a sick other story.

Going to get back to work now...(yes..I am at work...yes..I am bored.)

My day at the hospital

2007-01-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

So, the year 2007 is starting off interesting....Last night (Jan. 1) Mike had a bit too much....I mean a sloshing of wine and was a bit lit.....I mean quite lit...Not a pretty site...
Now..beings as how today is the national day of mourning for President Ford, Mike had the day off so we decided to go recliner shopping- desperately need to replace the stinky broken green thing that Josie calls her own that has been stained and tainted by pretty much every bodily fluid of human and animal alike, all four food groups on numerous occasions including bubble gum and many designs from the children using permanent marker...So we were at our fourth and last furniture store when we got the dreaded phone call from School....The voicemail message when like this..."Hi Mrs. Wellborn, this is Carrie from Sunnyslope. Mason has had an accident on the playground and has a head injury and a bad laceration on his forehead that is going to require stitches. Please call back as soon as possible, I will try your work phone at Harrison Home health."
SHIT!!!!!! (no she didnt say that, that was me) So we left JcPenney like a bat outta hell. I called the school back and Carrie answered. I asked to speak with the nurse, Carrie said she would transfer me back but the nurse couldnt pick up because she had blood all over her hands. SHIT (again) Now my heart is pumping- kinda feel all heart attacky.....So I talk with the nurse who tells me that nothing rattles her cages because she is a nurse- but this is rattling her cage. FUCK!!!! Forget the shit- so I am now a little freaked. I can handle any patient injury and wound but not myself or my own children......
Well, spent 4 hours at Harrison ER- decided that this was not a case for the urgent care- didnt know Mason's neuro status---- (upon arrival at the school, Mason was in a little state of shock)---My poor little baby. So a 2+ inch laceration on his forehead and the depth was all the way down to scalp as in cranium as in bone- yup is was visible alright. Kinda looked like a little mouth on this forehead especially when he wiggled his eye brows... Mason was a trooper and did fabulously- in fact- the only part that hurt was taking the butterfly bandages off his laceration that the school nurse had put on his head. WOW that baby was deep. The physician's assistant who sutured him did a fantastic job- there was a conversation about having a plastic surgeon come in to suture but didnt think that was necessary- we will try the tricks to minimize scarring.
Gosh----I am tired..Need my energy to see what tomorrow brings.
LOVE TO ALL!!!!

Abbreviatons ETC

2006-11-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

AT work today. Don't really have time for work- have two exams and a presentation next week. Rest of my family is at home. Little ones are going to the movies and rollerskating with their dad and Aunt Debbie---wish I had an Aunt Debbie!
So joint commisions will be coming to our home health agency in January some time so the big deal right now is abbreviations... DONT USE THEM!!!! WTF--much of nursing is about abbreviations...Betty and I think it is because some of the nurses dont know what many of the abbreviations are. I mean I understand the whole orders thing and if I were dealing with medications I would'nt say Pot for Potassium-- but HTN for hypertension A fib for atrial fibrillation. PE for pulmonary embolism---now those are very common med abbreviations that are not mistaken for anything else.... It is really quite funny----a lot of it revolves around RVR= rapid ventricular rate. So if you are having an MI you are not having a heart attack you are having a myocardial infarction. If you are having a CVA ---nope---you are having a cardiovascular accident...Oh well
TTFN oh...I mean ta ta for now!!!

Whatever

2006-09-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm friggin tired. I am friggin tired...... I dream about pathophysiology. I do a general assessment on everyone I see. I try and conjure up care plans in my head when I see them. I am walking in a new dimension. I have anxiety. I cannot understand my chapter six patho info on Inflammation and the mechanisms of self defense- I think I need to take a course in Latin or ancient Chinese before I proceed. Who gives a shit about the degradation of vasoactive amines and chemotactic factor....Let me give you a hint----IT IS NOT ME!!!!!!!
Got shot down at work today on whether or not to put a pillow under the leg of a patient 4 weeks out after having a total knee arthroplasty. She has full extension and ROM...She is off coumadin...She knows not to put pressure under her knee. BUT what the fuck do I know...I am only and LPN...Oh, forgot, did I mention I worked in Ortho for 5 years...and with her ortho doc??? BITTER...PARTY OF ONE!!!!
Got a bill from MCI today. For 32.00 for a phone number I have not had for 3 years....HHHHMM. Can we say DUH!!!! Called them and the first question they asked was.."Are you sure you dont have that number anymore?"--that was a great question..Dont ya think..The second question was.."So you are disputing the charges?"..I am thinking that maybe the second question was even better than the first...
Anyway,
I am going to go drink heavily now..

College Girl

2006-09-10T09:49:00.000-07:00

So school has officially started for 5 out of the 6 occupants of our house hold (Monkey is just "getting schooled") He is getting schooled by 3 kids in soccer, a wife in an academically rigorous nursing program, work, piece of shit Plymouth Laser, two teenagers working, a hormonal 16 year old who believes it is ok for us to lie to his best friends parent just so he can visit his girlfriend from another country (ok..Bainbridge Island). A 17 year old cheerleader.....need I say more......But he is handling it quite well........Then again, he did leave the house this morning at the butt crack of dawn smelling like men's Pure Romance Ego line with pheromones in it just to see his best friend Ben and have coffee with him this morning....Hhhmmmm.

Flat impaired PaRT dEU

2006-08-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it seems I need to specify exactly what "flat impaired" is.
If I were referring to my ta ta's it would be growth impaired or cleavage impaired or something like that.

I was actually referring to my fixing my first flat on BIG RED my 30+ lb road bike. Luckily I noticed it before I got on the road heading home. Now, I coulda pussied out and called my Monkey Mechanic spouse who looks hotter n hell in spandex and even hotter with a wrench in his hand and lube (I mean grease) all over him! But no, I was determined to do this myself. So 30 minutes later, I had fixed my first flat. Covered with chain grease and smeared all over my face (didn't realize it till I made it home). I was sweating after I was done- And because there were still some people at work, I had to pretend I knew exactly what I was doing. I faked it well!!!
But I was quite lucky because I could have experienced my first flat on the side of road of Navy Yard Highway covered with glass, single shoes, rocks, those funny screws with bolts still attached (these are all over the friggin place!!! Imagine they come off cars- maybe same place the solo shoes come from) And I could have been trying to dodge fired up motorists in trashy cars who are jonesing for that cold Schmidt at home in their fridge. Or those older men who have some sort of Vietnam vendetta against cyclists and absolutely refuse to share the road and therefore, swerve as if to hit you and get their rocks off when you jump. OR those copenhagen chewing ball scratching beer drinking high school drop outs in a big loud truck who wanna fuck with you just because you are a woman (who they all think are tramps). Or the dumass teenage girl on a cell phone reaching for her starbucks coffee.
.....Whoa..got off the subject there on a rampage.
Anyway, fixed my first flat............YEE HAW!!!

Flat Impaired

2006-08-22T14:18:00.000-07:00

What the hell happened to the message I posted regarding this??? It disappeared and I dont feel like re writing it..So now ya all will never know the story...

Shipyard sucks

2006-08-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

So they are gonna send my monkey away for 2 weeks in the fall. Ummm nooo, not going to work for me..Why? you ask..Lets see, I have 3 kids in soccer, I am starting a new school...In Tacoma. Josie and Mason will be starting a new school and a new schedule and both Bridget and Aaron are in high school. Both work and Bridget has cheer and we are down a vehicle. And everytime Mike goes away...The house breaks.
So I am pissed and it leaves me wondering...Do they actually make you..Or does Monkey volunteer to get the F away from his crazy friggin wife, a money pit house, a pissing crapping cat, two teenagers from hell, Rosemary's six year old and dogs that try to dig to China or escape from Alcatraz on a nightly basis....
Shit, maybe I will work for the shipyard and I will get away on a vacation for two weeks. Oh, I mean work for two weeks...Yah, similar to the "work" that was done in Hawaii last October. Maybe Monkey can be gone again on Halloween and watch hot little bar ho's dressed as a Brittany Spears school girl again and fantasize and actually verbalize how i should wear the same outfit while giggling with his male co workers....
OOOOPPPPS,, I did it again...I'm being bitter.

BROAD SHOULDERS

2006-08-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

One thing I have learned to love and appreciate are broad shoulders. Wide, strong, lean, untouched or at least smooth and debris free. Nothing makes me feel more protected than wide perfect shoulders.
I worry less and ride more confident (hee hee, ya all thought I was talking about men huh!!)
NOPE...I just hate commuting when the shoulders are all full of debris such as glass, staples, shoes, rocks and who the hell knows what else. In fact, right now as we speak there is a little pirate sword on the side of the road along Navy Yard highway. For the first couple of days, I saw it, I thought it was real. And all these wild tales of death, murder and torture formed in my mind. But now, I am pretty sure that it is plastic...I think it came from the same place the shoes come from. It amazes me how many people lose their shoes on Navy Yard Highway there right before the shipyard. In fact, It makes me wonder if there is a little shoe fairy that just deposits unwanted shoes along the road just for the sheer purpose of making me wonder why it is there and how it got there. Or maybe....just maybe...the shoemakers elves realize that they made two lefts instead of a right and a left and they get soooo mad, they throw it out the window of their SUV?????? Who knows..Do you think the sock stealer in each and every house gives themselves to those shoes?? Maybe as a sacrifice of some sort.

Crying 6 year old

2006-08-12T18:48:00.000-07:00

Wow, never seen a fit quite like this one. Money stolen off her dresser. Mason sure has lots of money. Poor little pickle. Wish she would learn to keep her money in a special place. Wish kids wouldnt steal..Poor little pickle.

Puerto Vallarta

2006-07-31T22:16:00.000-07:00

What a hoot!! Swimming with the dolphins was the most amazing experience. Ya know how you see those dolphin trainers riding dolphins and you wonder what that would be like. I found out...Laying belly to belly with a dolphin with your arms wrapped around his fins while you go for a ride around the pool. Amazing.... Like wet rubber or vinyl is their feel. We even got dolphin and sea lion kisses.
Party boat to a survivor like island where we watched a ceremonial dance. Romantic dinner. Lit only by candles and tiki torches with the sound of ancient aztecan drums in the background. The sounds of parrots, wind, chimes and the smells of the rain forest and watching little crab cross your path in their crooked state. Very cool.
The ocean as warm as bathwater and too many pools to choose from..The night life was crazy. Streets filled with people on week nights with no regards to time, age, blood alcohol levels and traffic rules. Women wearing stilleto heels walking on cobblestone as if they were gliding on water. Lots of tight clothing and beautiful tanned skin. Very hot and humid with a constant bead of sweat on your upper lip and nape of neck.
Had torrential down pours when we arrived. STill very warm outside, streets filled with a foot of rainwater still very neat.
Had good company the whole time. My dad and Claudia are always fun to be around. My dad gets younger every year and is so wonderful with his grandkids and absolutely hilarious. Good to see Eric, havent seen him for a couple of years. Wyatt is one of the funniest kids I have ever seen. I love his imagination and sense of adventure. I learned Bridget has a tolerance for alcohol and Aaron does not- he turns into the spitting image of his father when he drinks alcohol, complete with funny face and lip twitches, the wild eyes, and angry behavior. Bekah was funny like always and decided she liked xanax better than lorazepam. Mike and Brian are a great mix- they use broke back humor and we got some pretty incriminating pics not to mention my deep throat husband who can take a wide mouth gulp of disgusting lemon lime something or other and keep chugging(hhhmmm?) not sure I wanna go there. Brian almost died from a jalapeno and Josie and Mason got swept off their feet by a big salty wave. Condo was awesome. Private master suite and inhabited by geckos and very teensy little margarita and dacquiri loving ants.
Just want to again mention the extreme generosity of my dad and Claudia. Once again, they go all out to make our lives memorable. THANKS GUYS...WE love you both!!!!

NEW rooms for the little ones

2006-07-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

Mike and I spent the whole weekend detonating the little ones rooms. Ripped out carpets, washed walls, painted, spackled and installed laminate hard wood floors and decorated. NOt exactly in that order. The transformation was absolutely amazing. Kids were thrilled to death and dont even wanna come out of their rooms.
We are all very very excited. The funny part is how much stuff Josie has as compared to Mason. Unless of course you count his 5,984,000 he has stashed in his tote in his new closet.
Anyway, I want my family to come see these rooms. You would be amazed. Move over "While you were out" reality show. The ju ju and monkey show was far more entertaining.

FOUND a FOREIGN FLOATER

2006-07-21T10:52:00.000-07:00

So the funnies thing happened to me this morning...I had some coffee and you know what happens after a couple cups of coffee....You have to go build a log cabin in the bathroom.
So on top of building a log cabin, it also happens to be the time of the month when my red friend visits me. So anyway, ya know how when you are done in the bathroom, you look in the toilet to see what you created?? Don't deny it...You know you do...Everyone does..........Anyway, I noticed a long stringy shiny thing in the toilet. Immediately I thought I lost my IUD...But upon looking closer, right next to my tampon was my lady bug necklace. I swear I didn't eat it for breakfast. I had rice krispies with blue berries on it..So I don't think it came out of my colon.... All I can think of is that I didn't clasp it well this morning after I took my PTA bath (Pits, Tits, Ass) . (In case you are wondering, I take a quick wipe down bath after I bike into work in the morning)
ANyway, I had to dig the necklace out of the toilet without losing the ladybug amidst my throne creations. I wanted to avoid having to finger paint..Although, I plan on fingerpainting when I am an old lady just because I can probably get away with it then.
Needless to say, I had to wash my necklace well and hand sanitize it etc...I guess I should wash my hands too.
The moral of this story is.. Always check out your art work in the potty when you are done creating cause you never know what you might find.

Sexual Harassment

2006-07-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

My friend with BV in the cubicle next to me is sexually harassing me. She talks to me inappropriately and will often try to cop a feel. I often notice her getting close to me and trying to brush my boob. She always teases me about my nice biker ass. She wants to run naked through the sprinkler with my husband and I, and has told her husband about my daughter. (He has a thing for cheerleaders). I am absolutely mortified at her behavior.
I need some advice on what to do. She claims she is bisexual and often talks about ANgelina Jolie while massaging her nipples (nubbins). Dont get me wrong, she is quite hot. And I think she is not only bisexual but has claimed to be into beastiality as well. She has a pink little "my pony" on her desk that she purrs to. SHe often erotically combs her pony's hair. The same comb she uses to cut up Avon facial powder into snorting consistency.
She constantly molests her lip gloss applicator as if it were male genitalia. She also can't seem to sit with her legs closed but I feel it has something to do with the bacterial vaginitis. She also has multiple sores on her arms and legs and face from skin popping. So far she has avoided MRSA filled abscesses and the need for IV Vanco. I think it is because she is a nurse and has been stealing Bactrim from the hospital pharmacy due to its efficacy against MRSA.
She also refuses to shave her armpits and uses Nystatin for the yeast in her axilla however she insists on mowing the lawn because she claims her husband likes it.
Anyway, she constantly utters phrases to herself and jumps around uncontrollably especially when the crack cocaine wears off. Yesterday, while riding my bike across the Manette bridge she was behind me yelling cat calls and making the cunnilingus sign at me in front of two guys in a car that almost crashed into the light pole. I am virtually afraid for my life. I fear of being propositioned from her when I get to work. I also fear she will put ex lax in the chocolate she feeds me and force me into smoking clove cigarettes laced with fromunda.
Any advice would be appreciated!!!

ok ok

2006-07-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

A dancing duck.. Creamy neopolitan treats, a giggling boar and laughing potato bug. I listen to them everyday.
And speaking of creamy, my partner in crime in the same cubicle has bacterial vaginosis. Or at least I think....She has the scoots.
I was also an oriental lady yesterday ordering Chinese pizza from our triage nurse. Worked for two days. She was very polite on the phone. Until yesterday, then I decided I better let her know that Sihn Wai Puhn was really me and not some confused oriental lady.
I have pretty much entered all my info in the computer for the day. Now I am playing...Waiting for more doctors orders or abstract phone calls from people who dont know what the hell they want. They just want me to take their patients off their hands and reduce their phone call load. Im ok with that...I have been there. There is nothing more fulfilling than disposing of those duplicate phone messages or something.
I believe this blogging is illegal at work. It somehow may be related to some type of HIPPA noncompliance..Not sure how but I think something can be conjured up. TOIL TOIL
Been commuting into work by bike. It kinda helps with the increased eating I have done because my friend with BV keeps feeding me chocolate and other fatty high caloric treats. It is because I have a nice ass and she wants me to be fat to make her feel better. No worries on that because she is a little rail..My boobs are bigger too..That kind of makes me happy but my belly is really large. Today I am blaming my enlarged marsupial pouch on menstrual bloating.
Anyway, I like the commuting by bike thing. I get my exercise in. And when I dont ride into work, I try to get in a quick run. Of course, by the time 10pm rolls around and I am ready to study, I collapse in my book and snore. Of course, I think the 3 glasses of red wine contribute a skoosh.
HHmm, foggy glasses. Cant really see what Im writing..Good because I can blame it on my temporary schizophrenic blogging episode that you are now reading. Ok, going back to work now. Must eat more M&M's..Did you know the peanut butter filled ones are fabulous and they make them in a GIANt size????!!!!!

Broke Back Forest

2006-06-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry,
Title was kind of a STM inside joke.
Had a GREAT time last night with the Single Track Mind crew. Burgers, Brats, Beer, a good ride and good company. Met some really great people that I would love to hang with more often.

Bout of the tummy flu today though. Stayed home, kept kids home with me and slept much of the day. Monkey came home to take care of me and ended up feeling kinda blah himself and took a nap as well.

Feeling a bit better now.

IN OTHER NEWS!!!!!
I just saved money on my car insurance.............kidding...just couldnt resist. I actually now ride for team Velo Bella !! Its a womens racing team..They sponsor but the main goal is to have fun!!! No set amount of rides you need to do. Just buy a jersey, a license, sign up for email, post your info and race at least one ride...Not a problem being as how I plan on submitting myself to some cyclo cross pain this fall with my spouse. Should be an interesting fall...3 kids in soccer, 1 in SKHS football cheer, school for the kids, myself starting at PLU, and Monkey and I cross racing. ..Kinda makes me tired thinking about it.
I just wonder how many people actually start doing racing (amateur) or professional alike at almost 40. Well, what the hell. Ya only live once right????
Peace out!!

My new Gearie

2006-06-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

Tested out my new Kona King Supreme Geared full suspension bike today! Went to Capitol Forest and rode down the Greenline #6 (LOVE THAT TRAIL!!!) Rockin downhill course.
"Root Boo" (KONA) Took the drops like a "King" :) Rode very smooth, not too bouncy but far more plush than what I am used to. I.E. "Blue Boo" (SINGLE SPEED). I really really dug the bike. STILL Adore my single speed BLUE BOO.
My sweet spouse made a few adjustments to the gears and later changed out my front tire. Love being married to a bike nerd!!
Need to get used to taking the hills though, my instinct is to stand, such as I do on Blue Boo. I started to get the sitting and spinning (no pun intended) thing though.
Made it up the road climb to the Green line without stopping, it was hard and certainly got me rather asthmatic but the Root boo rocked up the hill, just dialed out my fork and set my pro ride to the correct setting and spun away.
Wow, almost sound like a bike nerd for a minute!!! Whew.....now off to surf bike porn.

My BIG little boy and his proud mama!

2006-06-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

So proud ofAaron. He has a job working for the Clover leaf tavern. Seriously....He is working their concession stand. He is exhibiting responsibility and while some may say "yeah, he's sixteen" I say, "yeah, he's sixteen!". This is my child with ADD previously ADHD. No hyperactivity now really cuz he can veg on a couch for hours on end. BUT..school is still a challenge.
I watched him interact with people, I watched him work the cash register, clean, cook, and basically run a busy concession stand all by himself. I was and am so proud that he is so responsible, in fact, they are so impressed with him, that he will be working at a Bluejackets game tomorrow night...THAT is the big daddy!!Talking to hundreds of customers with lots of cooking and counting. He will be working with his best friend Chris, whom I adore.
So anyway, ya all may be thinking that I am getting excited over something relatively minor and I am..Just wait till he (if he) graduates from high school. I will probably take out a billboard hang balloons from my car, graffiti the town and just all around shout for joy.

JUST KIDDING

2006-06-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, I think I am better now. Getting over my passive aggressive victimized state and ready to blog again.
JUST A WARNING TO ALL.
YA DONT LIKE WHAT I SAY....DONT READA ME BLOG MAN!!!!
And I am not always a nice person. No one is. I get hurt, mad and viscious as all wounded animals do..I mean Tink is my totem and she is quite naughty and vindictive.

Ju Ju over n out

2006-06-13T21:14:00.000-07:00

Because I am no longer allowed to write how I feel even though that what the blog was meant for me to do.

I will no longer blog.

Just bottle it up inside and let it eat at me.

DONE
Bye

Quite MIRACULOUS

2006-06-09T17:01:00.000-07:00

So in a 24 hour period, Perry has gone from one breath on his own per minute and in a total coma. To breathing on his own, Responding to people, suctioning himself and sitting up in a chair. ABSOLUTELY MIRACULOUS!!! Gives me chills.
And being as how my teenagers have been evil lately. It actually makes me thankful that they are well enough to be evil. Funny how life throws you these little reminders of how lucky you really are.

SAD news

2006-06-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

Just got a call from the ex. My nephew Perry, who will be 17 in August has had a bad accident. Occured on Saturday. Skateboarding without a helmet. Now he is in a coma at Harborview with brain exposed after brain surgery to relieve the pressure on Sun am.
A helmet is a little thing that does a lot. If only..If only.

Final exam

2006-06-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

Have my final micro exam today. Yay and nay. Not prepared. Not time to study. Had two very large thousand dollar parties this weekend. CRAZY hair dressers on SUnday night. WHAT an AWESOME group. Still getting calls for parties and products. Very busy with that. Guess I should start keeping track of my business paperwork now. Also may have one recruit who seemed quite excited about the business. Also good news.
Lots of cleaning to do for the party this weekend. Hope all coming brings a change of clothes for their children. SQUIRT GUNS and WATER FIGHT!!!! WOO HOO!

My Amazing Monkey

2006-05-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to mention my amazing husband. I am THE luckiest woman in the whole world to have such a wonderful hubby.
He is sexy, kind, brilliant, funny, witty and treats me like a princess. He is wonderful to my children and they can be "not so wonderful " at times. I get my meals prepared and wine served to me every night as if I were a queen.
He does so much for us. He is such a hard worker and the demands placed upon him are great, yet he greets us all every day with a smile. He is fair and not afraid to tell me if what I am doing is not all together correct. And he will stand up for me and support me at the drop of a hat. When I feel down he brings me up.
My husband is my best friend and lover.
I love you babe, more and more each day. I just want you to know how much I love you and appreciate you. When I look into your bright blue eyes in the morning, I know I am going to have a great day because I have you in my life.
Thank you for being you!!!

Spokane!!!

2006-05-29T21:52:00.000-07:00

What a blast!! Great course (15 long miles) Great friends. Saturday was great weather and Sunday, well Sunday wasnt good weather unless you like the typical rainy, cold, windy, muddy Washington weather.
I rode my single speed. My "blue boo". It did great. I was soooo worried that I was going to disappoint my team mates. I was especially worried about disappointing Pete. I thought I would be very slow because the course wasnt so conducive to a single speeder. And yes, a geared bike would have been very beneficial on the straight aways but I kicked ass on the hills with my bike often passing up the gearies. But then they smoked me as soon as we got to the straight aways.
Can't believe how friendly and nice everyone was. From the volunteers at the tents to the racing fans to the other bikers. What a great group of people.
The first night, we pre rode the course and "devils down" became my bain of existence. I was fearful to go down it especially after biting it the weekend before at Green mountain on a very similar downhill course...I walked it..And that night I was so disappointed in myself.
The next day the race started. I was soooo nervous!!!! I want the only one--the outhouses were brimming with the evidence of nervous riders. YUCK!!! My goal wasnt necessarily to go fast but to make it down Devils down. AND I DID!!!! I was so pumped after that, I stepped on it and made much better time than anticipated!! I was quite proud of both my times and my accomplishment and the fact I didnt eat shit.
After a few mechanical problems our team was in last place. 5 out of 5th. With the excellent riders on our team we moved to 4th place and stayed there. However, upon viewing the tally and the times we are fairly positive that we took 3rd. Awaiting the final results on the round and round web site for certain.
I do however want to give a HUGE shout out to two people in particular. My hunny bunny boo boo "Monkey Mike" and Mary Napolitano for their incredible efforts in their solo races. My sexy spouse made 12 laps in 24 hours and Mary made 9 laps. WOW!! You guys are my idols. You rock. The strength and endurance you guys showed was absolutely amazing. It takes serious strength to keep pushing your legs up and down those hills and serious mental toughness to continue the pace for 24 hours. You guys are amazing!!!!!!!!
I love you boo!!! And I am so proud of what you accomplished despite your lack of serious training because of your instant add water and viola-- you have a family!!! You are an inspiration to me whenever I feel like giving up!
I am already looking forward to next years 24 hours of adrenalin!!!

OUCHIE

2006-05-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

Decided I hate the geared bike. That in conjunction with the crappy Wildcat trail head complete with motorcycle ruts, large rocks, gravel and horse bunk made a very sucky ride yesterday. Couldnt make it up the sh*%Ty hills and then down the sh*^Ty hills the bike was horribly uncomfortable. We argued, then I bit it HARD. Endo'd in a drop off section complete with those large jutting sharp edged rocks. Opened up my right knee nicely. Had to steri strip it and ice it and coat my pain with alcohol later. Having an xray today to make sure no fractures. Hopefully just a soft tissue injury cause it will heal and can still ride this weekend. Bruised the other knee and left shoulder and wapped my head quite well. Thank god for helmets.
Anyway, may be quite a bit slower on the flats with my single speed but at least my single speed doesn't try to kill me and I know and am comfortable with the way it handles.
On second thought....maybe it was my spouse trying to kill me....I mean he did take me on that trail head with that SHi(&^%y bike with a dysfunctional derailleur, small heavy frame and very twitchy handling....HHHMM..perfect opportunity for an inexperienced rider to face an untimely demise...........

Geared up for Spokane

2006-05-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

Went out tonight with my hunny bunny to test the borrowed geared bike I am going to ride at the Spokane 24 hour race next weekend. I have been riding a single speed for 8 months cause I had a hard time learning how to work gears as I was learning to maneuver technical trails, dodge wet roots and take one foot drops without landing t.u. (tits up).
Well, if you have a hundred gears on a bike there must be a reason for it right??? Wrong...After I realized that you don't need every single gear on the bike just because they are there..I did much better....After the first hour I was about ready to fling the noisy clacky derailleur sporting unnatural handlebar bearing f(*k@d up gear shifting chain ring sucking bike at my spouse.
Then I realized that if I just stay in my middle chain ring and use to middle gears, I was good. I even rode at dusk with a light on my helmet and didn't have to use my orthopedic emergency kit. I do still need to tackle a few good hills though before we do the Spokane shuffle.
But just let it be said that I love my single speed. My bootiful blue single speed.

FRIGGIN SCHOLARSHIP MAN!!!!

2006-05-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Totally got a surprise today!!! I was awarded a $11,000 a year for 3 years academic scholarship at PLU. WOW! Was that exciting. Forgot I even applied for it. That makes almost 40,000 dollars in scholarship money I have received for school so far. WOO HOO!!!

Sunny shine

2006-05-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

I love this weather. The sun is shining. It is warm and summery. The flowers are out and the smell of fresh cut grass, BBQs, sun tan lotion and fragrant lillies fill the air. I love the sound of the birds singing and the kids laughing! Undoubtedly my favorite time of the year.

Mothers Day was fabulous. A wonderful trip to Poulsbo Valley nursery with family to rob the place of their loot. Josie helped me plant all the flowers and vegies we got. In fact..I now have green peppers and tomatoes growing all over my yard. Not just in the garden mind you..Josie got a little out of hand with the planting. She not only helped me pick out the flowers but find the perfect place to plant many of them.

Then last night, she panicked cause our lettuce was looking a little wilted so she directed Aaron to unwind and untangle the hose so she could water them. She then grabbed the digital camera and took pictures of every flower, rock, dirt mound, yard art and foliage she could. She was eager to share her "beautiful yard" with everyone she knew. Especially her teacher at daycare Mrs. Walton cause Mrs. Walton loves flowers too. And Josie did fairly well with her pictures, only a couple of pictures of her foot and Howies nostril.

Now just working on figuring out how to ride the geared bike Mike borrowed so I can ride the 24 hour race in Spokane. Very anxious bout that. Never ridden at night before and have not even ridden this new bike before. Not sure how comfortable I will be on it before Spokane. And what the hell is a almost 40 year old woman with 4 kids and one year riding experience doing attempting her first mountain bike race?? Am I friggin crazy or what....yup......

SAD JU JU.

2006-05-10T09:50:00.000-07:00

So I need some insight....Any takers????
READ ON:

Someone explain to me the allure of pornography. I don't understand. In fact I spent much of last night surfing porno sites to determine what the allure is before I went off!!!!. I wanted to give it a fair shake. I mean, you can't exactly throw a tantrum and go on some kind of diatribe about how it is disgusting and belittling etc. etc. yada yada yada unless you experience it for yourself. While it was very interesting to find the different lengths and girths associated with the male member..I did not find it in the least bit satisfying. Nor did I understand or do I understand why reading literature about mothers doing it with their sons or intercourse between sisters and brothers very.....Literary and worth noting. It was perverse, filthy, disgusting and plain old ucky...Do not get me wrong..Anyone who knows me knows I am not a prude. In fact, I sell adult novelties myself!! I love sex but sex is so much more than what is shown on the internet.
It is about a satisfying relationship between you and your partner. And if one is truly satisfied in your relationship; Why the need to look at other women's who haws and yaw yaws and same with other mens for that matter???
Makes me wonder, do you have to pre horny yourself just to be with me? Am I not attractive because I don't have double DD yaw yaws. I don't understand.
Maybe I am alone here and maybe it is just me, but I felt totally hurt last night. I cried because I felt so belittled. I don't have the greatest self esteem and that surely cut what little I do have to the quick. If porn is to be watched..maybe it should be watched together. Couples sharing..I don't know.. That is why I sell what I sell. To improve relationships. RELATIONSHIPS.
I went through this with my last marriage...I always found porn when I was pregnant, fat and feeling very very ugly.
Oh I will stop...
Needless to say I will get over this. But I am very very hurt. Again, I don't have a great excuse as to why. Someone PLEEEEAAASE explain to me the allure. And if I am wrong..Please tell me and explain to me. I almost feel as if I have been cheated on ....

NOT so funny lesson

2006-05-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

Your days may seem stressed and you may be overwhelmed and wish there was something you could change about your life. Perhaps, you don't like your job. You kids are out of control. Troubled relationships?
But I received a call on Monday that broke my heart.....
This call was transferred from the receptionist at the front desk. It was an overwhelmed mother who needed help with her sick baby...Sound simple right?? Wrong....This was a mother about my age with a medically fragile one year old baby. This baby was born with a ventricular septal defect. ( A hole in her heart). She has a PEG tube. (Tube in her stomach) for feeding and was vomiting all her feedings. On top of this..The mom was mentally unstable..She went on to tell me she takes copious amounts of Xanax and valium and marinol(cannabis tabs) an antidepressant and opiates for PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). On top of this, her husband is abusive and on probation for domestic abuse. She loves him....She loves him not.
She also recently broke her calcaneus(heel of foot) which has put her in a cast and unable to bear weight with the potential for surgical fixation.
She was completely hysterical. She was suicidal and had previously made two suicide attempts. She explained to me that she used to be an EMT and knew how to mix her medications to make her sleep..permanently. And she told me she was thinking about ending her life again....I could hear the baby whimpering in the background.
I spent 40 minutes on the phone with her, listening to her and collecting the necessary information to get her help. She abruptly hung up on me...I began to shake thinking about the possibilities.
I called 911, explained the situation. I also was required by law as a health care provider to call CPS in which I did that as well.
It turned out her and the baby were taken to the emergency room. It looks as though the mom was released back home and the baby was taken into a CPS hold.
I know I did the right thing for the baby and ultimately the mom. But I have such mixed emotions about that call. I may have saved two lives in the long run but in the short run, I have just taken a baby from it's mother and a mother from it's baby. And to me that would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me personally.
So, I am receiving a service excellence award at work for this call...But I don't feel very excellent.

Funny Lessons

2006-04-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

Learned kind of a funny lesson today. Do not pinch a man's butt when he is slinging poo..I mean mud. Cause he jumps and flings his mud where he doesn't really wanna, lectures you about the possibility of cutting off his valuable man jewels with the knife he is holding and then later explains how it is also a bad thing to do this to a man as he is working under the hood of a car.
I dunno. Here's my theory........
I GOT HIM!! And he didn't like it. HEE HEE
(Ya know I love you boo!!!!)

PLU

2006-04-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Let me just say how TOTALLY excited I am to be accepted into PLU's highly competitive LPN to BSN nursing program. To start in September of 2006. WOO HOO!!!!!

2006-04-27T21:28:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP

2006-04-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

I had the shitake scared outa me today. Got a call from my mother on my cell phone and at work to let me know that Dr. Diaz's office is trying to call me because of Mason's blood work. So what do I do...I FREAK....I automatically assume he has leukemia..I start to shake, get nauseous and can't focus. SERIOUSLY!! I called the nurse back and left a message on her voicemail. And called and called and called and called...She never answered her friggin phone. So I called the receptionist and explained to her that one cannot call an emergency contact number stating there is something wrong with one's sons bloodwork and then make herself unavailable...Didn't work...No friggin sympathy....So finally she called me back just to tell me Mason had a little protein in his urine. Barely above normal but should be repeated in 2 weeks just in case because of his tummy aches.
HOLY CRAP! If only she would of mentioned that little tid bit earlier, I would not have overdosed on adrenaline... DID I mention I am a FREAK!!

So much

2006-04-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

After failed attempts at lifelong partnership..To find the right one is scary. Now I am afraid of loss. What would happen if you find your soulmate after years of looking only to lose that mate. You let go just to trust because you know it is the right thing to do..But once you let that guard down..what if the unspeakable happens.
I received at lecture tonight about trust and love and letting go of the past. Letting go of past relationship that your partner had or thought about having.
Not sure how appropriate that was....I am learning...To fear is human..To trust is superhuman.

Play DAY!!!!

2006-04-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Took the kids to Theler Wetlands in Belfair. Awesome!! Great trails and kids got to see lots of wild life. Great walking trails too. Quite windy..Lots of killer birds..Not literally but cool looking.
Then off to the BIG park in Silverdale with everyone else in Kitsap County. It's kind of funny. Its like the masses head out doors to suck up every smidgen of sunshine they can when the first REAL spring day appears. And they stay there....and stay there...until the sun goes away...Kind of reminds me of a baby bird with its mouth open waiting for moms regurgitated worm...Don't know why it reminds me of that
.....It just does.....

Amazing Love

2006-04-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

This morning I looked at the toothless grin of my six year old and realized how amazing it is to love something so much. Growing up you think, wow, it would be cool to have kids. You don't realize just how amazing until you become a parent. I can't believe how much love you can have for another human being until you become a parent. You would move heaven and earth. You would become a criminal for. You would give your life for, your children.

Not Sure Why

2006-04-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I decided to Blog. God knows I dont have the time. But what the hell.